I’m 18 years old and guess what?…I’m still a virgin. Seriously. Let me explain. First, my parents had always told me that sex was meant for marriage–it was “the greatest gift that I could give to my future husband.” Sound kind of old fashioned…a bit unrealistic? Believe it or not…it’s very possible. Though I respect what my parents say, learning from my peers is what made me want to stick to what I’d been taught.
In high school (I just graduated last year) I was a member of the varsity cheerleading squad. Besides the freshman, I was the ONLY virgin on the squad. The only thing my teammates talked about was their most recent sex partner and their latest heartbreak. Because I didn’t have any relevant stories to share, I was kind of an outsider on these conversations. I didn’t mind though, because from their stories and frequent tears I learned that my teammates were extremely insecure and sad.
My friend Katie had an emptiness that she tried to fill by sleeping with guys to get attention, receive affirmation, and feel loved. Unfortunately, it didn’t work. The guys she slept with never stuck around. As soon as they got what they wanted, they were out and as a result, she always complained about being ugly & a looser. She felt dirty. Katie couldn’t understand why she couldn’t keep a guy and why after sleeping with him, instead of feeling better, her self-esteem dropped. I didn’t want this—I have enough insecurities as it is. Loosing my integrity over a guy?—Not worth it.
Growing up…especially in high school, most of my friends were guys. I heard the way they talked about my teammates. They joked about how easy it would be to sleep with them– called them sluts, etc. They had no respect for the girls whatsoever. Who wants to be the topic of that sort of conversation? Definitely not me.
From what I could see, sex wasn’t and still isn’t worth it unless I know for sure that the guy truly loves me and will stick with me. The only way to prove you mean that, in my opinion, is through marriage.
In high school I dated some really cool guys such as a star football player who now plays for Duke University. With these relationships, I knew I had their respect because I told them up front what I would not do. I made sure that in addition to physical attraction there was friendship too.
It’s hard to stay a virgin when everyone else seems to be sexually active but don’t let people trick you into thinking they’ll “love you” IF you have sex with them. If they respect you and really love you, they’ll wait. If you’re thinking about having sex, take a minute to think about why. Is it because you want to make your boyfriend/ girlfriend happy? Because you want to feel accepted? You think it will help you fit in? None of it will last. You’ll be left feeling the same way or worse than you did before.
If you’ve already lost your virginity you don’t have to keep having sex. You can decide now that you’re worth more and wait from this point forward.
My virginity is one of the most valuable things I have. I haven’t let guys use my body for their momentary gratification…instead I’ve earned their respect. You deserve to be respected too.
Danielle, 18 years old